1 Looking at someone
. Student: Mrs. J., G-Day is looking at me. (that's the kid's name. For real. And it's
pronounced just like it looks. I wonder if his parents wanted to call him God damnit,
but chickened out at the last minute.)
Me: Ok, then look back at him.
2. Laughing at someone
Student: STOOOOOOOP.
Me: What's the problem?
Student: Gerrard is laughing at me.
Me: Well, that's better than smirking at you.
Student: What's smirking?
Me: Look it up.
3. Sitting in someone's assigned spot
Student Mrs. J., Stefan is sitting in my spot.
Me. Tell him to go to his assigned spot.
Student: Moooooove.
Me: You might try telling him nicely.
Student? Why?
Me: Stefan, would you mind moving to your assigned seat. ( Student moves to his
assigned seat) See what happens when you ask nicely?
Student: Yeah, that's because you asked him.
4. Sitting in someone's not assigned spot.
Student Mrs. J,. Zaryyanaa is sitting in my seat. I was there first.
Me: We have no assigned seat in circle time.
Student: Well, we should.
Me: Fine. Make up a seating chart for me.
Student: I can't. I don't know how to write yet.
Me: Well, when you learn, then I'll use a seating chart for circle time.
5. Breathing on someone
Student: STOOOOOOOP. STOOOOOP!
Me: Someone in Alabama just woke up from his nap. What's the problem?
Student: Jahnasia breathed on me.
Me: Jahnasia, don't breathe until you leave my class.
Student: Then I'll die.
Me: Ok. Take a breath when you feel like you're going to pass out. A minute passes
and I hear a loud gasp.
Me: What's going on Jahnasia?
Student: I felt like I was going to pass out.
Me: Very well then. Carry on.
6. Coughing on someone
Student: Mrs. J., Coreanda coughed on my neck.
Me: Coreanda, please cough on Jamon's elbow.
7. Doing something the teacher said not to do.
Student: Mrs. J, Saryiah touched your drum.
Me: Thank you for being the best tattle teller in the whole wide world. You may now
move your seat to the tattle tell corner and tell the desk all about it.
8. Getting in front of someone when walking single file
Student: He cut me.
Me: Where's it bleeding?
Student: No, he cut me.
Me: If he cut you, there should be blood.
Student: No, he walked in front of me.
Me: Well, he certainly can't walk through you.
Student: But I was ahead of him.
Me: And now you're behind him.
Student: But..
Me: Please tell me how the view from where you are now is significantly different from
where you had been. Is the back of this head that much different?
Student: But he cut me. I mean skipped.
Me: Will you arrive alive at the same destination?
Student: Yes.
Me: If you walk in my room before he does, will you get a prize?
Student: No.
Me: Will you get a large sum of money if you get to my room after he does?
Student: No.
Me: So then it shouldn't be a problem.
Student: But he....
Me: Fine. I'll take out my phone and call the skipping police.
Discussion concludes
9. Accidentally touching someone
Student: Loud, piercing scream.
Me: I assume you have a problem?
Student: Sharonda touched me.
Me: On purpose?
Student: Yes!
Sharonda: No I Didn't.
Student: Yes you did.
1/2 of class She did.
Other 1/2 No, she didn't.
Me: I'm calling Grady Hospital. I'll tell them that you are severely injured and need
life support.
Student: What?
Me: I just told them to send their medevac unit.
Student: What's that?
Me: That's when they send a helicopter to pick up severely injured people.
Discussion concludes.
10 Messing with someone
Student: He's messing with me.
Me: What does that mean? Is he hitting you?
Student: No.
Me: Is he threatening your safety?
Student: No.
Me: Is he threatening to beat you up after school or cause you bodily harm?
Student: No.
Me: Is he threatening to kidnap someone in your family.
Student: No.
Me: So, then what?
Student: He's messing with me.
Me: Let me know when he's done making a mess.
11 Talking to someone
Student: Mrs. J., Zaryiah's talking to me.
Me: And?
Student: She's talking to me.
Me: So you've said. How many people does it take to have a conversation?
Student: Um, I don't know. Two?
Me: So if you don't talk back to her, how many people would remain?
Student? Two?
Me: Think again.
Student: Is this a take away problem? (This is the third grade class that is clearly
mathematically challenged. When trying to teach them the dreydl game,
you have to perform an super hard, upper level, disastrously difficult function
of dividing a number in half. I asked what half one one was and got these
answers: 100. 1/4. 150. 3. And those were the reasonable answers So clearly
this should be a take me away problem.)
Me: Yes. In every sense of those words.
Student: Is one the answer?
Me: Yes. So if there's only one person talking and the other person doesn't talk, then
the person talking would look kind of foolish, right?
Student: Yes.
Me: So, what should you do?
Student: Stop talking.
Me: Yes. In every sense of those words.
12. This is the best one yet. Singing into someone's hair.
Student: Mrs. J., Ja'da sang into my hair.
Me" Oh. My. GAWD! I walk over to a student who is wearing a bun and start singing into
her hair. When I'm done, I ask her if her hair hurt. She says no. I ask her if her eyes
fell out of her head. She says no. I ask her if she was in any pain. She says no.
I ask if anyone wants to sing into my hair. One brave kindergartener raises his hand
and comes to starts to sing the lyrics to the song I use when I want the students to sit
in their assigned seats--Ain't That Love, performed by Diane Schurr. (I use certain
pieces of music for transitioning and the kids love this song.) The little girl that
volunteered to sing into my hair actually knew all the lyrics so I let her finish the song
outside of my hair. She was amazing, and by the time she was finished, the traumatic
event had passed.
And this little nugget: We were standing in a circle holding hands, the first grade boy next to me says, " " Mrs. J. I like old people. I like the way they look." Then he starts giving my hand little kisses.
Not sure whether I'm flattered or insulted. Maybe a bit of both.
. I'm ready for the winter holiday break.
No comments:
Post a Comment