What I thought; What I actually said.

I can't believe it's the first week back after Thanksgiving and I already feel like a need a break.  Good news, though.  The next break is just two weeks away.  But after that there's a long time before the Spring break.  School calendar years are really poorly thought out.  Several years ago my county tried the whole year approach: Nine weeks on, three weeks off.  It's a great idea, but because there was no test score gains that year the calendar was nixed.  (And I think Six Flags might've also played a role.) Whoever expects to see test score gains in one year is probably from the same school of thought that says that data drives everything.  Sigh.  At what point will we really think about what's in the best interest of the students?

This week was typical.  Kids were squirrely  Teachers looked beleaguered.  PBIS (PEE-buhs) was rolled out at one of my schools. PBIS is a state-wide initiative to teach and reinforce positive behavior.  I'm trying to picture the meeting where this acronym was said out loud and no one snickered.  If a student said this: Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah.  You are a PBIS,  it would be a free pass to call someone something that sounds like the male organ. It was such a resounding non-success in my other school.

Today there was an assembly for the kids to roll out the PBIS.  (hee hee).   There were skits that were inaudible acted out by students with the acting ability of a bramble bush. Cheerleaders from the feeder high school performed cheers that had nothing to do with positive behavior, unless you count the boys in the front row trying to get glimpses of the girl's undergarments.  One or two of their moves had a good deal of heavy gyration and maybe I'm an old fuddy duddy, but I find it offensive to see young girls move like that.  I don't mind when adults do it for an adult audience, but to me it's teen porn.  The cheerleaders threw out some plastic balls to the kids and there was a mad dive for the booty (hee hee) with lots of fighting and tugging to get those fabulous prizes.  You'd think they were throwing out 100 dollar bills.

All this positive behavior made me think about how I have to make an effort to remain positive.  One of my classes was a bit unrulier than usual (see calendar lament above) and I had to really fight back the impulse to say what was in my head, so I compiled a list of what I'm thinking and what I actually say.
T= think
S= say

1.  T: Why are you staring at the ceiling tiles/floor/door/Pluto instead of paying attention?
     S:  Sweetheart, can you please turn around and face me? If I taught the class like this
          (I turn and show them my profile), you would think I am sort of strange.  Pause.  Well,
         stranger than you already think I am.
2.  T:  Why are you sucking your fingers?  You're in second grade.  That's ridiculous.
     S:  Class, all hands in lap, please.
3.  T:  Seriously?  How do you NOT know that?  What special kind of idiot are you?  And stop
           throwing out answers to see which one will stick to the wall.  STOP GUESSING!
     S:  It's ok to say you don't know something.
4.  T: Why do you find the worst possible way to execute my directions?  Did I say to     
          stomp/hop/jump/jiggle/fly when we walk around the circle?
     S:  Please follow my directions exactly the way I tell you to.
5.  T:  Only an idiot sucks his/her teeth. it's one of the stupidest sounds you can make.
     S:  Please don't suck your teeth.  (Class joins in with more teeth sucking.)  Boys and girls,
          if you can think of a job that requires you to suck your teeth, raise your hand.  Teeth
          sucking finally ceases.
6.  T:  Stop hitting your neighbor, you anti-social crazy loon.  Did your Ritalin wear off already?
     S:  Class, all hands in laps please.  Hitting each other is not socially acceptable.  And except
           for boxing, I don't know a job that requires you to hit your co-worker.          
7.  T:  How is it that you can insult each other using a wide array of adjectives, yet you can't
          speak in complete sentences any other time?
     S:   Please use your kind words.  I don't know any job that requires you to insult your
            co-workers.
8.  T:  Why are you looking over your instrument to see what you are playing?  I have told you
           a bazillion times that the wooden bars are on the xylophones.  I have told you a bazillion
           and a half times what a bar is.   Is there a wind tunnel between your ears? .  The hell
           with  higher order thinking.  I'd be happy with just a little bit of factual recall. 
       S: Wooden bars are on the xylophone......
9.  T:  What kind of parent sends a child to school with such smelly/torn/too short/disgusting
           clothing?
      S:  Nothing.  I am speechless.